KUALA LUMPUR, Jan 27 — Saying “I do” with a ring to wed two hearts together for marital bliss has become the norm in much of the world, even here in Malaysia.
But for many couples of South Indian origin – including Indian Malaysians – the binding symbol is in the thali rather than the ring.
I’m not talking about the traditional Indian meal served on a large plate in Hindi, but its Tamil homophone that refers to the bridal necklace presented by the groom to his soon-to-be wife.
Originally, the thali referred to the thread coated with turmeric and tied with three knots that adorns the bride’s neck on her wedding day.
After the ceremony, the yellow thread is replaced with a gold chain called a thalikodi, on another auspicious date, which is based on the Tamil calendar.
Customarily, the groom picks the bridal thali based on that worn by his mother.
What not many people know – yes, even those getting married – is that the bridal thali can differ according to ethnic, religious beliefs, and even by caste.
“Traditionally, the son identifies his ethnicity and caste from the thali that his father gave to his mother,” Datuk Vikness Raju, owner of Lalal Gold and Kanika Gold jewellery stores, told Malay Mail during a visit to his premises on Jalan Masjid India recently.
“If the groom is an orphan or does not know about his caste or ethnicity, then he can go for generic thali designs such as the Pillayar thali,” he added.
Datuk Vikness Raju, owner of Lalal Gold and Kanika Gold jewellery stores, explains the symbolism of the different wedding ‘thali’ to Malay Mail. — Picture by Raymond Manuel
However, he said the groom cannot re-use his mother’s thali or melt it to make a new thali for his future wife.
Instead, after his mother’s passing, her bridal thali is melted to make other forms of gold jewellery for the eldest child of the family.
How many types of thali are there?
There isn’t a specific number, but Vikness said some prominent types in Malaysia are the dot-shaped Telugu pottu thali, the leaf-shaped Malayalam thali, and the various types of Tamil thalis that can be based on caste, religious denominations or generic designs.
Top row (from left): Chettiar caste ‘thali’, ‘sulum thali’ and Nattukottai Chettiar caste ‘thali’, followed by bottom row (from left): ‘pottu thali’ for Telugus, leaf-shaped ‘thali’ for Malayalees, the Gounder caste ‘thali’ and the Pillaiyar ‘thali’. — Picture by Raymond Manuel
Caste-based thalis include the Chettiar thali, the Nattukottai Chettiar thali, and the Gounder thali, while under religious denominations, there are thalis designed for Shaivites (Hindus who are dedicated worshippers of Lord Shiva) and Vaishnavites (dedicated worshippers of Lord Vishnu).
Those preferring more generic thali designs, they can opt for the Pillayar thali that resembles a pot-belly, the sulum thali (with a trident emblem) and the Amman thali, among others.
But, you can’t just walk into any jewellery store and buy a thali.
“Thali is not just jewellery; it is a sacred thing that a woman wears for her entire marital life.
“That is why we usually require at least two weeks to make the thali,” Vikness explained.
Though Indian goldsmiths do put up samples for display, Vikness said there are traditional customs that one should adhere when purchasing a thali.
“Normally, a married woman representing the groom will bring a tray of betel leaves, flowers, fruits, and sweets on an auspicious day to order the thali.
“The goldsmith crafts each thali from scratch within the auspicious hours of a day.
“We don’t have ready-made moulds for the thali designs. If something goes wrong, the goldsmith melts the gold and starts all over again until he gets it right,” he said.
Datuk Vikness Raju, owner of Lalal Gold and Kanika Gold jewellery stores, say some married women add gold coins to their ‘thali’ chain whenever they have the financial means, as it is believed to grant their spouses a long life. — Picture by Raymond Manuel
Once the thali is ready, three married women are required to visit the goldsmith with an archanai (prayer offering) set – consisting of coconut, betel leaf, flowers, fruits, and sweets.
Traditionally, the groom is not allowed to order or collect the thali as it is considered inauspicious.
The goldsmith will perform the first prayer for the thali at his shop, wishing the couple a long-lasting and blissful marriage, before handing it over to the customer.
Vikness said the Ceylonese community and some segments of the Tamil community also conduct a traditional gold melting ceremony called ponnurukku at the groom’s house.
During the ceremony, the groom hands over a gold coin to the goldsmith, which is melted to make the thali.
“Some married women also add gold coins and other accessories to their thali chain when they have the financial means.
“There’s a belief that the more accessories that your thali carries, the longer is your husband’s life,” Vikness said.
